[attr="class","star2tsu2"]Her voice breaks you of the reverie. It is only then that you see things for what they are. [break][break]
The rotten, disgusting prison in which you've trapped yourself. Flesh that is being digested, clutching more flesh and becoming one in a wretched display of sensual violence. The reverberation of meat that is your vocal chords, scraping together some semblance of meaning as you ask the stupidest question.[break][break]
- - -
[break][break]
The light overhead is blinding compared to the night.[break][break]
A bunch of bodies fan every which way. None of them acknowledge you. They pretend not to see you. As always, you simply are not there. That is the way it has always been, from the time you can remember. [break][break]
But this time, it's different. [break][break]
"I need to see my father."[break][break]
You speak, and the dryness of your throat makes it painful. [break][break]
It hurts, but still there's no response from the woman clacking away at a keyboard.[break][break]
"Please. I need to see him, now."[break][break]
You clutch her in your hands. [break][break]
She does not respond. [break][break]
Of course not. But even so, you hold her tighter, and steel yourself to the silence. [break][break]
"I need to see my father NOW! Please, LISTEN to me! For fuck's sake, look up from your damned computer and LISTEN!"[break][break]
As your raise your voice, the woman typing away at the computer stops and looks up. Instantly, she gives a look of horror. [break][break]
You must be a mess, covered in mud and blood. But that doesn't matter.[break][break]
"Miss Tsubaki! What's the meaning of-?"[break][break]
"Where's my FATHER?"[break][break]
You're done waiting. [break][break]
As the door opens behind the desk, you barrel past her. [break][break]
"Miss Tsubaki!"[break][break]
Shove your way past the man exiting, who recoils in fear. Slam your foot in the door before it latches, and pry it open. All your anger, hurt, betrayal in every motion, you make your explosive entry to this office that hasn't changed in five years.[break][break]
"Father! It's me!"[break][break]
You shout at the top of your lungs. Your voice fills the modest office, and reverberates off the walls.[break][break]
He doesn't flinch. His calm and cold eyes barely seem to acknowledge the state you're in. Holding a shattered pokemon, covered in blood both hers and yours, ripped and tattered cloth, mud and grime from the river. He looks through you, scarcely acknowledging that you're even there.[break][break]
"Tsubaki. It's been a while. Did you make an appointment? I didn't see you in my schedule."[break][break]
He looks down at his desk and leafs through his notes, completely detached from the situation.[break][break]
It fills you with visceral disgust. [break][break]
"What's that got to do with anything!? Do I need an appointment to see my own father!?"[break][break]
The way he glances at you tells you all you need to know. [break][break]
The answer is yes.[break][break]
"Is there anything I can do for you? I'm very busy, Tsubaki."[break][break]
He's decided to ignore the state you're in, as if it's none of his business. He's opted for the kindest way to tell you to go fuck yourself.[break][break]
"You're... busy? I'm sorry... you're BUSY?! What kind of answer is that, to your own DAUGHTER!? Are you blind?? I need your HELP, Father."[break][break]
You clutch her limp body as you take a step forward. Filled with indignation, filled with grief. You don't know what to DO. This was the only thing you could think of. And now... [break][break]
He stares long and hard, no reaction on his face. Finally, he speaks.[break][break]
"Was this not the life that you chose, Tsubaki?"[break][break]
It's like a knife stabbed through your heart. [break][break]
The first time you've seen him in five years, the only time you've asked him for anything. And that's his response. Succinct and to the point, casual disregard. Detached and in control, a giant 'I told you so'. [break][break]
It's not even the words. It's the disappointed judgement in his eyes.[break][break]
"You can't even... expect me to have ever, ever wanted..."[break][break]
"But was this not the result of your actions all the same?"[break][break]
And there's the twist.[break][break]
You can't bear it. It makes you want to vomit. [break][break]
The idea that, still holding the body of your Seviper, he's lecturing you, blaming you, for... [break][break]
"This is the outcome of that life, Tsubaki. I had tried to tell you at the time, but you wouldn't listen."[break][break]
... yes... yes, he's right, but...[break][break]
"Now, please. I am very busy."[break][break]
Swept away like that. [break][break]
Invisible as always.[break][break]
"... You can't... you can't just..."[break][break]
Your protests won't change anything. You give up before you can even think of how to respond. [break][break]
This was the only path available for you from the start, wasn't it?[break][break]
Because he would see you if you rebelled. If you caused trouble, if you signed up with Rocket, he would acknowledge all the things you were doing. He would finally SEE you.[break][break]
That's what you'd thought, but now...[break][break]
- - -
You draw your hand away. [break][break]
Tears form at the edge of your vision as you look at him, so blinded by the light you can only see his silhouette, but he sees through you completely. Like you were a ghost, he doesn't even acknowledge you're there. [break][break]
He has more important things to do in the void than look at you, his failure of a child.[break][break]
Dread rises in your throat. He won't answer. [break][break]
Of course it isn't. Not until you make it up with your deeds.[break][break]
You cry out, but you know the answer. [break][break]
It's an answer you've heard time and time again, over and over, like a broken record. [break][break]
